So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize