im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
