Im at strip club and am horny
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
