are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
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I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
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I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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