yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
