Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
only you would photoshop your dick
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
