it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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