my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
