Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
there's paper in my vomit.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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