You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
