i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
