her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
