hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
