I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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