4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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