so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
