You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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