That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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