well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
