The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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