My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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