you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
