remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
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