After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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