I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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