how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
