I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
