I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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