i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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