Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
