I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
