so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
