Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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