i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
