I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
