Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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