i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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