GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
