I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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