really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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