i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
