Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
