yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
