So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
