If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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