I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
