I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
