and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
