the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
