You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
