Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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