david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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