Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
