so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
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