we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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