ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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