That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
