The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
