clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
