I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
