I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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