tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
