it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize